That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do cheetos always look like penises
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
