oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
