does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
