So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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