you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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