so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
