I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
