Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
