Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
