Apparently you make a good broom.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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