Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
