There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
