do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
