Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
