Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
