you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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