hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
