I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
