I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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