R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
