he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he puts the penis in happiness.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
