I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
