I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
