theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drunk is a universal language darling
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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