I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
