There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize