Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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