Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
