Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
