I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Less talking, more tequila
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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