I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
