The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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