You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.