Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.