Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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