I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The best revenge is premature balding
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.