i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.