I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for