His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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