She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers