Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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