..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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