can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
