i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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