I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
