I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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