He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
