once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
