I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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