I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
