it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
