I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
