Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
