My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
