i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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