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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
