Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
