cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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