Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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