my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
