I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
