im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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