he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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