im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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