After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
