Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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