Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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