Will you blow on my dice?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
