Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
