Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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