God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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