awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
