So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
