look no pants
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
