we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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