it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
