Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
