I met the friendliest cop last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
