Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish there were birth control emojis
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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