I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
