i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She is in my trunk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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