Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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