I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
smell my finger.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
