i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
a search helicopter?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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