Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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