I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
