I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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