my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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